Angry Old Man With a Rake Says He'll Stab Lazy Young Neighbor in the Heart: OMGPD

OMGPD, a collection of PatchChicago's weird and noteworthy crime, posts regularly.

Do They Call Him 'Grumps'? An angry old man, upset that his 28-year-old condo neighbor wouldn't help him pick up branches after a big storm, poked the younger man in the chest, called him lazy and told him "I'll kick your ass," according to police. The younger men, who was trying to put his baby in the car for a trip to the doctor, told police the 67-year-old ass-kicker then broke his rake in half and threatened to stab the younger man through the heart.
» Orland Park Patch

Killer Rep: A Maniac Latin Disciple listed as a "sex offender" on the Illinois Department of Corrections website would prefer to be known as a killer — specifically a "murderer and violent offender against youth," according a petition his lawyer filed in court. Jorge Pena, who killed a 15-year-old boy, says he's never committed a sex crime but the state is ignoring is requests to have his criminality properly labeled.
» Joliet Patch

Undead Giveaway: A tombstone mysteriously appeared in an Elmhurst yard recently. As police would eventually learn, the headstone for Earl Patrick Tandy didn't rest atop Mr. Tandy's final resting place. In fact, Tandy remains above ground, alive and kicking. The tombstone was purchased a long time ago at a discount when his dad passed. When the cops offered to return the gravestone to him, Tandy said he didn't need it.
» Elmhurst Patch

Not-So-Master Thief: A 25-year-old man in desperate need of firepower broke into a Bass Pro Shop at about 2 a.m., according to police, but the pokey burglar failed to get out before police surrounded the store. When cops went inside, they found rifles scattered in the aisles, and a police dog found the accused burglar hiding in a closet. 
» Bolingbrook Patch

Gas and Fail: In Naperville last year, a student driver did what student drivers often do — drive poorly. But this one is now being sued. The 15-year-old girl jumped the curb while in driver's ed class and punched the gas, striking two pedestrians and nearly mowing down a baby in a stroller. The girl, her dad and the school are named as defendants.
» Naperville Patch

CRIME & SHAME HEADLINES

• Homeless Man Tells How Joliet Cops Drove Him Out to Channahon and Left Him Stranded in the Freezing Cold
• Man Arrested with Loaded Gun, Body Armor, Facemask in Evanston
• Flesh-Eating Crocodile Woman Back in Jail on Heroin Charge
• Grandma Charged in Infant's Murder Mentally Unfit for Trial

OMGPD USA

• In California: Drunk Man Posed as TSA and Gave Women Private Pat Downs

SOME GOOD NEWS

• A Little Dog, Lost for Months, is Found in Suburban Chicago, 100 Miles From Home